The Answer.

Image: Susanne Nilsson via Flickr/Creative Commons

Image: Susanne Nilsson via Flickr/Creative Commons

It has been exactly 7 weeks since we found out.  And today we got our answer:


No, we will not be adopting Baby M.  The other family is continuing their adoption of him, and our door has been closed permanently this time.  For privacy reasons, it probably is not wise for us to share the details about the “hows” and the “whys”, so we’ll just leave it at that.

Now, before you start telling us how sorry you are (thank you SO much for caring!!), please know that we are at peace with this.  The advantage of a seven-week wait is that we had time to move through the stages of grief.  Believe me, we hit every one hard.

Several weeks ago, I got the sense that this wasn’t going to happen.  I think God wanted to give me a few weeks to come to terms with that before I had that suspicion confirmed, and I’m glad.  When we got the news today, it wasn’t shocking or surprising.  It was conformation.  And all I felt was peace.

God has a different plan.  We are okay with that.

So, in the interest of doing a little advanced-protection of our hearts, we’d like to ask a couple things:

  1. Please don’t ask for the details.  If at any point we feel we can share further information with you, we will!  Promise.
  2. Please don’t grieve or apologize for our situation.  We have spent more than enough time grieving and are done with that.  We are ready to celebrate what is to come!  Join us!

This past seven weeks, you all have been out of this world amazing.  It has been a difficult time, and yet I am thankful for it.  It taught us so much.  One day, we’ll tell you all about it.

Another measure of peace came when we found out that as a result of our situation with Baby M, his country has changed their adoption laws to help prevent this from happening to other adoptive families.  A lot of improvements in the adoption system are made because of someone’s bad experience.  No one starts out wanting to be that person, but I am thankful that our difficult experience will help countless other families have better ones.  Redemption.

This morning I was waiting on a phone call from our agency, and wasn’t actually expecting to get our answer to the Baby M situation from that conversation.  But there were many other complicated things to discuss, and I paced back and forth in the baby’s room while I waited for the phone to ring.  Without thinking much about it, I grabbed my old translation of The Message and flipped it open to the book of Psalm, hoping to find a word of peace.  I did find many such words, but also had this little gem in chapter 19 jump out at me:

“Keep me from stupid sins, from thinking I can take over Your work.”

Alone in the baby room, I laughed out loud when I read that.  If there is a stupid sin I struggle with, it is wanting to take over God’s work for Him.  Adoption has taught me so much, but more than anything so far, it has taught me that even when my plans sound fantastic, it doesn’t mean that He does not have a better one in mind.

We don’t know what that plan is yet, but seriously guys.  It is going to be about 8372 times better than anything we could come up with.

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  • Daniel Pearce

    I am relieved and pleased to hear that you have an answer. I learned in my own experiences (though not with adoption) that God tends to open and close doors in ways that are hard to understand. Being able to see the simple fact that your experiences will help someone else in the future is a great way to be able to move on with a positive step. We will pray that you can find a new child who needs a loving home!

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