My Lighthouse

Image: Cathy via Flickr/Creative Commons

Image: Cathy via Flickr/Creative Commons

Yesterday, I took a trip to Des Moines (about two hours away, for my non-Iowan friends) to take some of the final steps to completing our dossier.  The trip was not without hiccups, and was full of some hilarious and frustrating moments.  When I have a little more time, I’ll sit down and share that with you, but for now I just wanted to share about one particular moment of the trip, which took place just minutes after it began.

As I left town, the gravity of this whole thing started to hit me full-force.  The day before, I had the chance to have lunch with a woman who I consider an incredible role model, and hear about her experiences of twice adopting internationally.  I saw the love in her eyes as she described what she called the miracle of adoption, how God could fill her heart with a love for those two little ones that equaled in every way the love she felt for the two sons she carried inside her own body.  Her four children are grown now with families and children of their own, blessing her many times over as a grandmother.

“Isn’t it incredible,” she said, “that before the whole world existed, God not only knew of the children I would give birth to, but knew that a little boy and a little girl would be born to someone else far away, and they would become my own children.  That is just as much of a miracle as growing a child inside you.  That is what God had planned for M____ and for you.”

Bless my soul.

I tend to think of our adoption journey as beginning last September, when we choose an agency and signed a contract, but that isn’t true.  It began when a little boy was birthed into this world by another woman the previous winter.  It began when God placed adoptive families in mine and Alex’s lives as children.  It began with a bookmark I won in early elementary school that was covered in the ASL alphabet.  It began before I was born.  It began before the world was born.

Our adoption process has taught me more about God than any single event I can think of so far in my life, with the possible exception of marriage.  It has been full of decisions to make – huge, life-altering decisions that make me feel shaky just to comprehend their enormity.  Decisions we couldn’t have made on our own.  Yet without fail, God has as shown us the way.  Like a lighted path in a pitch black woods, He has illuminated which way to go next.  I’ve never felt such tangible guidance.

This was all fresh in my mind as I began my trek to Des Moines early yesterday morning.  We are almost done.  The unification of a family that God dreamed up eons ago is about to step into existence, from the darkness to the light.  The journey is nearly over, and yet about to begin.

One of my favorite songs came on the radio as I drove and pondered these things, a song that has come to characterize our adoption journey in my mind, and represents so much of what God has taught me over the past seven months.  Suddenly I was singing at the top of my lungs and bawling my eyes out, and darn it if I wasn’t even outside of Cedar Rapids yet.


“My Lighthouse”
Rend Collective

In my wrestling and in my doubts
In my failures You won’t walk out
You’re great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea
You are the peace in my troubled sea

In the silence You won’t let go
In the questions Your truth will hold
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea
You are the peace in my troubled sea

My lighthouse
My lighthouse
Shining in the darkness I will follow You

My lighthouse
My lighthouse
I will trust the promise
You will carry me safe to shore
Safe to shore

I won’t fear what tomorrow brings
With each morning I’ll rise and sing
My God’s love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea
You are the peace in my troubled sea

Fire before us You’re the brightest
You will lead us through the storms

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